Zordon's Silly Idea
by Psycho Tangerine
Summary: What happens when Zordon flips out and makes changes among the Zeo Rangers?
1. Default Chapter

_Disclaimer:_ All the characters here are owned by Saban. I am not making any money off this. Also, I believe that this story is my own idea, but I have read a ton of fan-fics, so if anyone thinks I've stolen anything from their stories please let me know so I can correct the problem if necessary. If anyone sees any typos or grammatical mistakes please let me know. The fight scenes are very short because I just can't write fight scenes. And please don't get upset if I insulted your favorite ranger. It's just a story and I'm just kidding. Also thanks to my sister who gave me the idea for this story and by giving me the line, "you're supposed to fight the monsters not each other." That's all, I think. 

Zordon's Silly Idea  
by Eileen (Psycho Tangerine) 

**_Scene 1: Angel Grove Park_   
**It was a sunny afternoon. The Rangers, having just unmorphed after winning yet another fight with one of Mondo's monsters were walking through the park.  
  
"That fight was awesome!" Rocky shouted as he jumped around karate chopping the air.  
  
He bumped into Kat, who was trying to fix her hair, knocking the comb from her hand. Kat glared at him as she picked up her comb and continued to primp.  
  
"Yeah," sighed Tanya, "but that Dirt Devil monster almost sucked us into oblivion until....."   
  
"Until I blocked it's mouth with Pyramidas!" Jason shouted, pounding on his own muscular chest.  
  
"You mean until I pulled its plug!" Tommy retorted loudly.  
  
Adam leaned over and whispered to Tanya. "Uh oh, here we go again." Then he rolled his eyes at Jason and Tommy. "Oh, yeah, you both are great and powerful. You both saved the day. Thanks guys."  
  
"Yeah," Rocky said, finally having stopped all his karate chopping and jumping around, "let's talk about something else now."   
  
"Like what?" asked Kat, who had finally finished fixing her hair and was beginning to show an interest in the conversation.  
  
"Well, uhhhh," Rocky hesitated staring blankly at Kat, "how about..."  
  
Jason planted himself in front of Tommy. "You KNOW that monster would have sucked the Super Zeo Zords to pieces if I hadn't used Pyramidas to block its mouth."  
  
"Big deal," snorted Tommy, "if I hadn't had the sense to pull its plug, you'd still be stuck to its mouth."  
  
Tanya tried to stand between Jason and Tommy. "Umm, guys? Maybe we should go to the juice bar now?"  
  
"Uh yeah," Adam added, quickly joining his girlfriend. "I'm really thirsty after that big fight, aren't you, Rocky?"  
  
"Not really," Rocky said. Tanya stomped on his foot. "Owww! Umm, I mean yeah, I'm realllllly thirsty."  
  
"Me too, how about you guys?" Kat looked at Jason and Tommy who were now glaring at each other. "Oh great," she sighed.   
  
Jason leaned into Tommy's face. "Well, if I had waited for you to CRAWL over to that plug and pull it out, we would all be ground dust in its bag by now!"   
  
"Waited for me?!" Tommy shoved Jason away. "I had that plug out before you were even THINKING of uselessly smashing poor Pyramidas against that monster's mouth!"  
  
Kat began to jump up and down, waving her arms. "Uh, guys? Remember? The Juice Bar?"  
  
"Uselessly smashing?!" Jason began to shout hysterically. "Are you implying that I would misuse Pyramidas?!"  
  
"If the pyramid fits, wear it!" Tommy leaned against a park bench, smiling at his own joke.  
  
Adam and Tanya began to pull on Jason, while Rocky and Kat began to pull on Tommy. "Come on, you two," Adam gasped as he continued to pull. "Ernie's having another 'guess the mystery drink' contest."  
  
"Yeah," Kat added, "and maybe it won't be as gross as that raw slug drink from his last contest."  
  
"I thought it was pretty good myself. Just needed a touch of strawberry flavoring," said Rocky.  
  
All the Rangers stared at Rocky. "Ewwwww, Rocky!"  
  
Jason shrugged Adam and Tanya off him. They fell backwards landing on each other in the sand box. Tanya smiled. Adam blushed. "Oh, and this coming from mister Tommy 'Zord Zapper' Oliver," Jason taunted Tommy back.  
  
Tommy shrugged Rocky and Kat off him. They fell backwards, landing on each other on the merry-go-round. Rocky grinned. Kat slapped his face. Tommy straightened himself off the bench and scowled at Jason. "Are you blaming ME for all those zords being destroyed?!"  
  
"Yes I am, oh great and powerful leader!" Jason made a mocking bow.  
  
"At least Zordon knew a REAL leader when he saw one and dropped you, you muscleheaded freak!" Tommy growled, smacking Jason on the back in mid bow.  
  
"Ow!" Jason yelped. "That does it, I'm gonna teach you a lesson!"  
  
"No," Tommy said frigidly, "YOU'RE the one who's gonna learn the lesson!"  
  
Rocky stared at them in disbelief, still rubbing his sore cheek. "Uh oh!"   
  
Tommy and Jason took their stances. "IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!!!!"  
  
"Don't!" Tanya tried to stop them. "Zordon won't like......"  
  
They both ignored her and continued.  
  
_"ZEO RANGER FIVE...RED!"  
"GOLD RANGER POWER!"_  
  
As Tommy and Jason simultaneously morphed, the other Rangers dived behind park benches.  
  
"Boy will Zordon be pissed off when he learns about this," mumbled Adam. 

Scene 2: Power Chamber 

Billy and Alpha watched the viewing globe intensely, cheering, booing, and throwing fake punches in the air.  
  
"Yeah, Tommy!" Alpha began to pound his metallic claw-hand on the console next to him. "Smash him!"  
  
Billy continued to stare at the screen, shoving popcorn in his mouth. "Slam Pyramidas on him, Jason! Show him you mean business!"  
  
At that moment, Zordon appeared. "What are you two doing?" he asked.  
  
Billy quickly turned off the viewing globe. "Doing? Um, nothing, right, Alpha?" He glanced at Alpha.  
  
"Yeah, nothing. Heh-heh," Alpha laughed nervously.  
  
"Well then please turn the viewing globe on, it's time for my favorite soap opera, ' All My Floating Heads'."  
  
Billy thought fast. "Um, Zordon, I have to show you some interstatamitictranscubulatorgyratoring transistors right this minute. Maybe you could record your show just this once?"  
  
Steam began to come out of Zordon's tube. "The hell with that! Sally-head and Sammy-head are supposed to be getting it on today, and I gotta take notes so I'll know how I can do it myself. So turn the damn thing on, NOW!"  
  
"Oh ay yi yi," Alpha whined as he turned the viewing globe back on. It showed Jason and Tommy still fighting each other.  
  
Zordon stared curiously at the screen. "Hey! I didn't hear the alarm go off! Who are they fighting? I don't see any monster."  
  
"Well, ummm....oh ay yi yi," Alpha whined again.  
  
Billy glowered at Alpha. "It's an invisible monster, Zordon."  
  
Zordon sighed in relief. "Well, if that's all, I do know of some magic plants that will make this monster vis....."  
  
"Ha! I'll call the Red Battlezord and SLICE that stupid Pyramidas of yours into shreds!" Tommy screamed loudly enough for them to hear from the viewing screen.  
  
Zordon's face darkened. "Holy *&*#% those idiots are fighting each other!" He glared at Billy. "Why the hell did you lie to me and say it was an invisible monster?"  
  
"Well, ummmm....," Billy hesitated. "Hey, shouldn't we be contacting them so you can order them to stop?"  
  
"Oh, yeah...ok, contact them," Zordon said. "Oh, and stick in a video tape while you're at it. If I miss my soap opera because of this nonsense, heads are gonna roll. Get it? Heads? hahahahaha....." Zordon blinked out laughing hysterically at his own joke, while Billy and Alpha stared at his tube.  
  
"Hey Billy," Alpha whispered as he searched for a blank tape, "Tommy was really pounding Jason. Don't forget the twenty dollars you owe me."  
  
"Yeah, right," Billy hissed back. "Give ME the twenty dollars. Jason was just about to pulverize Tommy."  
  
"Hey!" Zordon reappeared. "Didn't you read the list of Power Chamber rules? Rule 42 is NO GAMBLING! Now contact those egomaniacal jerks, NOW!"

Scene 3: Angel Grove Park 

Adam, Tanya, Rocky, and Kat were still hiding behind the park benches, ducking flying debris from Tommy and Jason's fight, when their communicators beeped. Uh oh, Adam thought as he pressed the response button. "Yes, Zordon?"  
  
"What the %^$*$ is going on down there?!" Zordon bellowed.  
  
"Zordon!" Kat said in a shocked voice. "Watch your language! This is a kid's show!"  
  
"Oh, uh yeah," Zordon mumbled sheepishly, "I kind of forgot. Sorry. Now please tell me what's going on down there."  
  
"Tommy and Jason are fighting each other to see who's gonna get to "hog" all the credit for destroying that Dirt Devil monster," Rocky replied.   
  
"JASON! TOMMY!" Zordon shouted loud enough for them to hear in their zords. "STOP THAT AT ONCE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FIGHT THE MONSTERS, NOT EACH OTHER!"  
  
"Well, HE started it," Jason and Tommy said at the same time.   
  
"NEVER MIND! KNOCK IT OFF, UNMORPH AND TRANSPORT TO THE POWER CHAMBER, NOW!

Scene 4: In the Power Chamber 

"Zordon," Tommy started as soon as they had arrived at the Power Chamber, "I can explain.....Jason was bragging again and....."  
  
"Me bragging?!" Jason retorted. "Look who's talking!"  
  
Zordon mentally shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever. I really don't care. That's not the real reason I called you all here."  
  
"Why did you call us here, Zordon?" asked Tanya.  
  
"Well, a couple of days ago, I was down in my basement tube looking for some marbles Alpha said I had lost." Zordon frowned as Alpha and the Rangers snickered. "Anyway, hidden in a corner, I found a sealed box. So I had Alpha open it up. And there they were, the greatest Zeo crystals of them all!"  
  
"Greater than mine?" Tommy and Jason whined together.  
  
"Yes, greater than yours. Great enough to give to the two who are destined to be the leaders of the Power Rangers. And after considerable thought and a lot of coin flipping, I have finally decided who is worthy enough to lead the Power Rangers."  
  
Zordon looked at Kat. "Now, Kat...."  
  
Kat looked up eagerly. "Yes, Zordon?"  
  
Zordon whined in a falsetto voice. "Help me, Tommy! Help me, Tommy!" Then in his own voice added, "need I say more?"  
  
"So everyone has a bad day once in a while," mumbled Kat.  
  
"Huh," said Tommy. "Since when is everyday 'once in a while'?"  
  
"And Tommy?" Zordon continued.  
  
Tommy crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out at Jason. "I knew it! It's gonna be me!"  
  
"No it won't!" Zordon retorted. "And that's exactly why I didn't choose you. You're so vain you probably think this song is about....oops, I mean you're so vain you think you should always be the "star" of the team. Get it? Star? Ha! Well, anyway, I'm sick of it! So it's not you!"  
  
Jason crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue back out at Tommy. "Ha! told you so mister 'leader'!"  
  
"And it's not you, Jason."  
  
"But, you just chose me to be the gold ranger," said Jason.  
  
"No, *I* didn't choose you, Tommy did. We were in such a hurry to save the powers that I neglected to ask him who he was getting. If I knew it was going to be you, 'Mr. All-muscles-and-no-brains', I would've had the powers transferred to Alpha there instead."  
  
"You mean I could've been a Ranger?"   
  
"Ayiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi...."   
  
"Shut up, you stupid robot," Zordon growled. "I was just making a point." He continued. "And, of course, Tanya can't be a leader."  
  
"Why not?" Tanya glared at Zordon. "Because I'm a woman? If that's your attitude, you male chauvinist....."  
  
"No, no....that's not it at all. I certainly admire you women and the way you're able to fight and defend yourselves." Zordon glared at Kat. "Present company excluded, that is."  
  
"Ok, ok," Kat mumbled. "I got your point. Don't rub it in. Sheesh!"  
  
"Yeah," Zordon continued staring off into space. "I REALLY admire the way you women move when you fight. Especially that Dulcea babe. Whoo boy, the things I could do to her if I had a body......."  
  
"Pig!" Tanya snorted.  
  
"Zordon!" Adam waved a hand in front of Zordon's tube. "Yo, Zordon, you were saying?"  
  
"Oops, sorry." Zordon's face turned red. "Umm, what were we talking about?"  
  
"Tanya!" All the Rangers shouted.  
  
"Oh, yeah. What I was about to say was that all your papers haven't been checked and cleared yet by our computers. What guarantee do I have that you're not a spy working for the Machine Empire?"  
  
"The fact that she's been fighting with us for several months now?" Adam replied.  
  
Zordon ignored him. "Anyway, we must follow all rules and regulations or I'll lose the intergalactic funding I need to keep this place running....and to pay Billy's high fee."  
  
Billy shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, when you're worth it, you're worth it."  
  
"And you know you're not going to be a leader, Billy."  
  
"Yeah, I know," Billy sighed. "Darn negative protons."  
  
"That and the fact that we need someone here to windex my tube, lubricate Alpha's head, untangle all the wires..."  
  
Billy looked at the others. "And you wonder why I charge him so much."  
  
Rocky whispered excitedly to Adam. "We're the only ones left!"  
  
"That may be so," Zordon said. "But that doesn't mean it's either of you."  
  
"Huh?" asked Rocky.  
  
"Let's see, Rocky...so far you've managed to help get your friends turned into pachinko balls..."  
  
"But I was under a spell!" Rocky protested.  
  
"...and let cogs get a hold of a computer disk that let Mondo create a virus that almost crashed the zords..."  
  
"Bbbbut, how was I to know...."  
  
"....and, like the idiot you are, you tried to fight a giant Mondo all by yourself and nearly got Angel Grove destroyed in the process!"  
  
Rocky hung his head. "So I made a little mistake."  
  
"IN OTHER WORDS," Zordon hollered at Rocky, "YOU'RE TOO STUPID TO LEAD! .....oh, and finally, there's you, Adam."  
  
"Ok, get it over with," Adam sighed.  
  
"That's exactly why I can't have you as a leader. You're just too nice and polite, Adam. You're such a wuss that if I put you in charge, you would probably ask for the monster's permission to fight him."  
  
"Oh go %*#@#$&*%#$&*#@# yourself, you freak show reject!" Adam snarled at Zordon.  
  
"Much better!" said Zordon. "Keep practicing."  
  
_Scene 5: Still in the Power Chamber_ "Umm, Zordon?" asked Kat. "Not that it matters, but you just eliminated everyone here."  
  
"Yeah," added Tanya, "who're gonna be the new leaders of the Power Rangers?"  
  
"A couple of our old friends perhaps?" Billy reminisced. "It'd be great to see Trini again."  
  
"Or Aisha," said Rocky.  
  
"Or Zach," said Jason.  
  
"Or Kim." Kat glared at Tommy as he drooled.  
  
"NO! NO! NO!" Zordon shouted. "They're gone for good! Get over them already! Sheesh!"  
  
"Then who did you select?" asked Adam.  
  
"Haruuumph," Zordon cleared his throat. "Alpha, if you please."  
  
Alpha opened the door to the back room of the Power Chamber. At the same time he made a phony trumpeting sound. "Da da da da da da!"  
  
"Behold your new leaders," Zordon boomed in his omnipotent voice. "The Polka-Dot Ranger and the Zigzag Ranger! Come on out boys and meet the other Rangers!"  
  
Two very bizarrely dressed Rangers stepped out from the other room. One was quite obese and had large multicolored polka dots all over his Ranger suit. The other had on a suit with multicolored zigzags. He also wore a spiked collar and was loudly smacking his gum. The Rangers and Billy gaped in utter disbelief.  
  
" What the....Can't be....No way," they all murmured.  
  
Zordon ignored them and continued. "And now to reveal their identities....."  
  
"As if we couldn't guess," mumbled Tommy.  
  
"New leaders of the Power Rangers.... remove your helmets!"  
  
"Um, hi!" said Bulk as soon as his helmet was off. "A funny thing happened to us on the way to the Detective Agency this morning. We got sucked up here, met this floating head and weird robot thing and were told to put on these silly outfits."  
  
"Yeah, silly outfits!" echoed Skull who was still snapping his gum.  
  
"Um, well, I guess our secret is out now," said Adam.  
  
Rocky stared blankly at him. "That we like to stick bugs up our noses?"   
  
"No, you idiot, that we're the Power Rangers," replied Billy.  
  
"Whatd'ya mean 'we'?" mumbled Tommy.  
  
"Aw, we already knew you were the Power Rangers," said Skull.  
  
"Yeah," said Bulk, "why else did you think we stopped hunting for them."   
  
"But, but how did you know?" asked Kat.  
  
Bulk sighed. "Easy, first of all you guys always wore the same colors as the Power Rangers. The original Rangers were red, blue, pink, black and yellow. And Jason, Billy, Kimberly, Zack, and Trini always wore those colors. Then when Jason, Zack and Trini left, in came Rocky, Adam and Aisha in those exact same colors. Also, when Tommy first came, he wore green, just like the green ranger, and then when the white ranger came, he wore white. When Kim left, Kat showed up in pink. When Aisha left, Tanya showed up in yellow.......need I go on?"  
  
"Not really," said Jason. "So that's how you figured it out?"  
  
"Yeah," said Skull. "That and the fact that your stupid communicators always beeped so loudly that anyone could hear them, and you idiots always morphed where anyone could see you."  
  
"But why did it take you so long to figure it out?" asked Billy.  
  
"Duh! For the same reason we've been in high school for the past ten years," replied Bulk.  
  
"You know what's really scary about that?" asked Tanya. "No one else in Angel Grove has figured out we're the Power Rangers. And that makes those two," she nodded at Bulk and Skull, "the smartest among its citizens."  
  
"Bulk," Zordon continued to boom in his omnipotent voice, "as the great and powerful Polka-Dot Ranger (and for other reasons), you will command the HIPPO ZORD."  
  
"Well, I.....Hey!" Bulk scowled at Zordon.  
  
"Ha, ha, ha, hippo, ha, ha, ha," Skull guffawed.  
  
"Oh yeah, that stupid laugh reminds me," continued Zordon. "Skull, as the great and powerful ZigZag Ranger, you will command the JACKA..."   
  
"Uh uh uh," Tanya waved a finger at Zordon. "Remember, little kids are watching this."  
  
"Ummm, I mean DONKEY ZORD," finished Zordon.  
  
Suddenly, the monster alarm went off. "dweedweedwee...."  
  
"Rangers, Mondo has sent down an Alarm Clock monster to Angel Grove Park." The Rangers and Billy shuddered at the thought. "You must go and stop him."  
  
"So what else is new?" asked Rocky.  
  
"It's Morphin' Time!!!!!" shouted Jason and Tommy together.  
  
_"Zeo Ranger 1....Pink!"  
"Zeo Ranger 2....Yellow!"  
"Zeo Ranger 3....Blue!"  
"Zeo Ranger 4....Green!"   
"Zeo Ranger 5....Red!"  
"Gold Ranger Power!"  
"Polka Dot Ranger Power!"  
  
_"Zigzag Ran....," Skull dropped his crystal. "Oops, sorry." He picked it up and held it upside down. "Uh, let's see, where was I?"  
  
"Dweeb!" said Bulk.  
  
"Oh, yeah...._Zigzag Ranger Power!"  
  
_The Rangers all transported to the park.

Scene 6: Still in the Power Chamber 

"Ok, Zordon," said Billy. "Where'd you hide it this time?"  
  
"Hide what?" Zordon put on an innocent face.  
  
"You know what. Now where is it?"  
  
Zordon looked away, whistling. "I have no idea of what you're talking about."  
  
"Alpha?" Billy turned to the little robot.  
  
"Ay yi yi, Billy.... please don't ask me, I don't know!" Alpha whined.   
  
"Not even for the latest issue of "Hot Droid Babes?" Billy dangled the magazine tantalizingly over Alpha's head.  
  
"The right console, under the third control panel," Alpha quickly replied. He snatched the magazine as Billy handed it to him.  
  
"Traitor!" grumbled Zordon.  
  
"Sorry." Alpha began to gawk at the centerfold and drool coolant. "Wow, baby! What a great set of transistors!"  
  
Billy opened up the control panel. Inside were about 8 or 9 empty vodka bottles.  
  
"That does it, Zordon! How are we supposed to beat these monsters if you keep getting drunk all the time and coming up with these crazy ideas?"   
  
Zordon sniffed defensively. "What's so crazy about my ideas?"  
  
"Let's see, last month you wanted to put additions on the Zords so you could hire them out as a weekend amusement park."  
  
"Well with your high fee, we really need the money."  
  
"And last week, you wanted the Rangers to get completely new costumes and become the 'Village People Rangers'."  
  
"Well, the seventies are coming back," murmured Zordon.  
  
"Finally, there's the time you begged Alpha to smash open your tube because you wanted to see if your head could bounce around this room."  
  
"Well, it does get boring inside this stupid tube."  
  
"Nevertheless," Billy continued. "I told you what would happen if you didn't stop drinking."  
  
"No!" Zordon pleaded. "Not that! I won't do it!"  
  
"Sorry, but you leave me no other choice."

Scene 7: Angel Grove Park 

"Look!" shouted Skull. "There's the Alarm Clock monster! And look at what it's doing!"  
  
"BRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! Time to get up for school, kiddies!!!!!!" The monster ran around ringing his alarm in everyone's face. People ran away screaming.  
  
"School?" sputtered Bulk. "Aaah! We must stop it, now! Ready, Skull?"  
  
"Ready."  
  
Bulk and Skull looked up and raised their right arms. "We need Zeo Zord power....."  
  
"No! Wait!" Rocky interrupted.  
  
"Huh? Wait for what?" asked Skull in a confused voice.  
  
"Guys, didn't you read rule 37?" asked Tommy. "You can't call the zords yet."  
  
Bulk folded his arms. "Oh, and why not?"  
  
"Because the monster isn't a giant yet," said Tanya. "We gotta wait until that stupid robot with a Scottish accent comes and twirls a little robot and throws it at the monster and makes it grow."  
  
"So why don't we just destroy those two robots first?" asked Bulk.  
  
Kat sighed. "Rule 88, no destroying the monsters' means of growing to giant size."   
  
"So, what do we do until, then?" asked Skull. "Just wait around while he gives the whole town the heebie-jeebies?"  
  
"BRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!" The Alarm Clock monster continued to run around in circles. "No time to sleep! Get to work!"  
  
"No," Adam swung at an approaching cog. "We just waste time in fighting these cogs for a while."  
  
"That makes no sense. We should just grow now and get it over with." said Bulk.  
  
"What?" asked Jason, "and get the 'Monster Union' on our tails for breech of contract?"  
  
"You got a contract with monsters?" asked Bulk.  
  
"Monsters have unions?" asked Skull.  
  
"Yep," answered Tommy. "And it says we can't defeat the monsters until they become giant-sized."  
  
"Oh, ok." sighed Bulk.  
  
The Rangers spent the next few minutes fighting the cogs while the Alarm Clock monster continued to annoy everyone it could find. Then Klank and Orbus showed up and made the monster grow. At that point, Bulk and Skull were allowed to call the zords.  
  
"So, let's see what this zord can do." mumbled Skull from inside the Donkey Zord. He pushed some buttons. "Hee Haw!" The zord brayed as it kicked the giant Alarm Clock monster onto its back.  
  
"Now it's my turn," said Bulk as he pushed buttons inside the Hippo Zord. The big, plump zord stomped up to the monster and sat on him before he could get up. When the zord stood back up, the monster was as flat as a pancake. Then it disappeared.  
  
"Oh, ummm," mumbled Tommy who had just arrived with the others in their zords. "Good work. I guess."  
  
Bulk and Skull got out of their zords and began to dance around giving each other high-fives. "This Power Ranger stuff sure is fun!" Skull shouted gleefully.

Scene 8: Back in the Power Chamber. 

Several rows of seats were set up. The people sitting in them were talking and mumbling in confusion. "Where the hell are we?" "What's with all those flashing lights and the stupid glass tube?" "I must be hallucinating again."  
  
The group's leader looked at Billy. "How did we get here?"  
  
Billy grinned. "Never mind that. You got yourself a new member now. Zordon, come on out."  
  
A sheepish looking Zordon appeared in his glass tube. Several people gasped. "Billy, did you forget rule 22, no transporting non-Rangers to the Power Chamber?"  
MBR "No, but since you were able to transport Adam, Rocky and Aisha here before they were Rangers 'for a good cause', I figured I could also transport people here 'for a good cause'. Now quit stalling and introduce yourselves to these nice people the way I told you to."  
  
Zordon sighed. "Hello, My name is Zordon of Eltar, and I'm an alcoholic..."


	2. Revenge of the Red Herrings

Disclaimer: All of the characters are the property of Saban. I am not making any money off of this story. I believe this to be an original story of mine. But if I'm wrong, let me know. Also let me know if I've made any mistakes. That's all. This story comes right after Zordon's Silly Idea. 

Revenge of the Red Herrings  
by  
Eileen (Psycho Tangerine) 

It was a typical afternoon at the Power Chamber. The Power Rangers had just successfully defeated yet another one of Mondo's hideous monstrosities and were discussing the battle with Zordon and Alpha 5. 

"We had the coolest explosion ever!" Rocky exclaimed, jumping up and down. "You guys should've seen it!" 

Zordon rolled his eyes. "No, duh. Why do you think we call it a 'viewing globe'?" 

"Never mind the explosion," Jason bragged. "Didn't you guys think it was just great the way I blocked that Flashlight Monster's beam with Pyramidas?" 

"Oh God, not again," Adam moaned. 

Tommy snorted. "Yeah, great. Not that it made any difference since I had already removed its batteries." 

"Guys?" Kat started. 

Jason and Tommy began to glare at each other. 

"Oh yeah?" Jason shouted. "Well if I...." 

"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" all the other Rangers, Zordon and Alpha screamed. 

Tommy and Jason looked bewilderingly at their teammates. "Huh?" they both uttered, their ears still ringing from the screams. 

"Don't you guys remember what happened the last time you let your egos take over?" asked Kat. She pointed to Bulk and Skull who had been working on some electronic equipment in a corner and listening to the ongoing conversation. "We got those two idiots as our leaders." 

"Hey!" Bulk yelped! "We got it! We fixed the outerspace radio thingy! We can call Aquitar again!" 

Skull stuck his tongue out at Kat. "Idiots, huh? Come on, Bulk, let's go get some shakes." With that Bulk and Skull transported out. 

"I just hope that we don't have any more changes on the team for a long time," Adam said. 

Tommy shrugged. "Anyway that wasn't our fault. Zordon's the one who got so soused that he decided to add them to the team." "By the way, Zordon, how is AA going?" 

Zordon glared at Tommy from his tube. "What the #$#@$ do you care? Alpha where is my whiskey? Tell me or I'll..." 

"Boom!!!" they heard a wall within one of the many underground tunnels being blasted in. A few seconds later came a faint but familiar voice. "Hey! This is the place! I'm sure of it." 

"What was that?" Kat shrieked. 

"What was that?" Zordon mimicked in a high pitched falsetto. "What the hell was I drinking when I picked you to be a Ranger?" 

Kat glowered at Zordon. "Why you...." 

Suddenly, the far wall crumpled. The Rangers stared in shock and dismay as several of their non-Ranger friends and acquaintances stepped over the rubble. 

"What'd you guys build this power chamber out of? Cardboard?" Tommy asked Alpha. 

"I knew we shouldn't have gone with that bidder from the Leggo Company," Alpha murmured. 

"Hey, there's Emily," shouted Jason. "Hi Emily, what are......" 

"Don't "hi" me you lying piece of $#$%." 

"Umm, what's wrong, Emily?" Kat asked. 

"What's wrong?? What's wrong?? This jerk told me that he'd pull some strings and get me in as the Pink Ranger if I became his personal love slave. So I debase myself to this egomaniac, and for what? A minor part where all I do is serve drinks to a bunch of nerdy pimpleheads." 

"That's not my fault," Jason defended himself. "Zordon promised me that he would send Kat over the cliff during that skiing episode because he said she was expe..expen...ummm...." 

"Expendable," Zordon finished, "ooops." 

Kat turned a bright shade of purple. "You two plotted to push me off a cliff?????" she screeched. "How dare you! Tommmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!" 

Tommy looked at Kat and yawned. "Geez, we're not even fighting monsters, deal with this one yourself." 

Kat broke down in tears. "I..I..I can't. I don't know how. I guess I am expendable like they said. Here Emily, you can be the Pink Ranger." Kat tossed her morpher to Emily. "And I hope you choke on it!" Kat beamed herself out of the Power Chamber. 

"Oh great," Tommy sighed. "Now I won't have to spend every battle rescuing her." 

"All right!" Emily squealed. "I look great in pink." 

********************************************************* "ToOoOoOMEEEEE!" Tommy cringed at the all too familiar voice. 

"You said I could be a Ranger. You promised!" 

Tommy turned to the source of the whining voice. "David!" He said in a harsh whisper. "Will you please stop that whining. It's so annoying. God, I just can't believe we're actually brothers." 

"But you promised." David continued to whine. "You said that you would talk to Zordon about getting me into the Power Rangers!" 

"I only promised you that because you kept whining and threatening to tell my parents about my being a Power Ranger." Tommy said through clenched teeth. "Why on earth would I actually get Zordon to make a big baby like you into a Power Ranger?" 

"ToOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....." 

"Air raid!" someone yelled. Everyone in the Power Chamber dove to the floor and covered their ears. Tommy, groaning in extreme pain, ripped out his morpher and tossed it to David. "Here! Take it! But for God's sake stop that infernal whining! I'm out of here!" With that, Tommy transported out of the Power Chamber. 

Tanya looked at a group of girls who seemed to be scanning the room for someone. "Can I help you?" She asked them. 

"Where's Billy?" asked Marge. 

"We want Billy!" shouted Laura. 

"We know he's here. We know he's a Power Ranger. Where's he hiding?" Violet demanded. 

"Ummm, Billy? A Power Ranger? I have no idea what you're talking about." Tanya said lamely. 

"Don't even try to tell us that," said Marge. "I've known he was a Power Ranger ever since he saved me from Madam Woe. I recognized his voice while he was rescuing me." She sighed. "What a voice. What a body." Violet and Laura sighed as well. 

Marge began to examine and work on the Power Chamber equipment. Suddenly she squealed in delight. "I found Billy!" Violet and Laura ran up to her. 

"Where? Where?" Laura asked excitedly. 

"He's on a water planet called Aquitar." Marge continued to study the read-outs on Billy. "And he's staying with...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She pointed to the picture of Cestria that had just popped up. 

"A fish slut?" Violet screamed in anger. "He dumped all of us for a fish slut?" 

Laura simply began to cry. "I want my Billy back!" 

"Don't worry," said Marge. "I've got this transporter system figured out." 

"Let's go then," said Violet. 

"No, wait!" called Zordon. "You can't do that!" 

"Oh no?" asked Marge. "Watch this!" She pressed a few buttons and Violet, Laura and she were teleported to Aquitar. 

"What the #$%@&@* are you three doing here?" Billy's voice came loud and clear over the Power Chamber's communication system that Alpha had accidentally left on. 

"Oops," said Alpha quickly turning the system off. 

At that point the communication signal began to beep. Alpha pressed the buttons re-connecting them to Aquitar. "Yes, Billy, what is it? Do you wish to send your visitors back to Earth now?" asked Zordon. 

"Send them back? Are you kidding?" Billy's image formed on the screen. He was wearing a dark blue silk robe and relaxing in a recliner-type chair. Marge was standing behind him combing his hair. Violet was handing him a drink. Laura was rubbing his feet. And Cestria was fanning him with a large bamboo-type fan. "Did you guys know that one of the best perks about Aquitar is that harems are not only legal but commonplace? I may never go back." 

"Hey Jason!" Jason turned around and saw Richie glowering at him. "Oh umm, hi Richie, funny seeing you here." 

"Funny indeed, you promised me that I could be the Red Ranger if I kept Trini away from you so you could spend more time admiring your own muscles." 

"I only did that so Trini would stop hinting at me for a date. I got more important things to think about." Jason said while absent-mindedly staring at his reflection off a highly polished machine. "And there's no way I'd get you into the Power Rangers." 

Billy snorted over the viewscreen. "Hinted? Hell, Trini barely knew you existed, you egomaniac. Why would she when she was having me almost every night." 

Richie stared at Jason. "Oh really? And what if I decide to tell everyone here the real reason why you didn't want Trini? What if I let out that you're..." 

"Ok! Ok! Jason clamped his hand over Richie's mouth. You can take ummm... Rocky's powers." Jason grabbed Rocky's morpher and tossed it to Richie. "Just don't say it!" 

"Hey!" Rocky exclaimed. But seeing that no one even noticed, he just shrugged his shoulders and transported out. 

"All right! Red ran.... hey it's blue!" Richie looked thoughtful. "Oh well, I'll just have to redo my wardrobe again." 

"Um, Emily," Tanya whispered. "How can Jason be gay if he's dating you?" 

"Oh he's not gay," replied Emily. "He just doesn't want anyone to know that he sleeps with his own "Tickle me Elmo." 

**************************************************************** 

Raymond looked at the computer consoles. "Wow, you guys got some great equipment here." 

Tanya glanced at Adam. "I don't think it's so great." 

"That's not what he's talking about," Adam grumbled. 

"So who runs this stuff?" 

Adam stared confusedly at Raymond. "Who runs this stuff? Gee, I don't know. I mean Billy used to but he's not here anymore. He's uhhh off making preliminary contacts with alien worlds for the future good of mankind." 

Adam was interrupted by a loud burst of giggles from over the viewscreen. "Billy, not now, you know I'm ticklish there." 

"Well, that's what he told us," Adam blushed. 

"So you mean no one runs this stuff?" Raymond handed Adam a business card. On it was written "Nerdy Computer Geek for Hire...No job too big or too small." 

Tanya looked toward the back of the room where Bulk and Skull were now slurping their shakes and dripping them on the delicate machinery. 

"Well, considering they are our current 'experts,' I guess not." 

Adam and Tanya looked at the card. "Well, we do need someone who can run the computers, but who should he replace?" Tanya asked. 

"We could do rock, paper, scissors." Adam held out his hand. 

"Nah, I've got a better idea." With that Tanya ran across the room, jump kicked Jason unconscious to the ground, grabbed his golden power staff and tossed it to Raymond in one swift move. 

Tanya ran up to Adam "How was that?" 

"Well, I guess that's another way to choose," Adam said staring cautiously at Tanya while backing slowly away from her. 

"Oh wow! The golden power staff!" Raymond shouted excitedly. 

"Ok, where is he? Where's that lying cousin of mine?" Curtis glared at the old Black Ranger suit that was on display. "He said I could be the Black Ranger once he left. He said that if I gave him my trumpet and stopped hanging round him he'd fix it so I could be a ranger." 

Adam rolled his eyes. "You know he's at that peace conference in Switzerland." 

"Peace conference my $^#^@&#!" Curtis handed Adam a flier. 

Despite it being from Switzerland, the words were in English. It said "Girls! Girls! Girls! Come one, come all for a steaming hot time at Z and J's all girl revue." On the flier was a picture of Zack and Jason standing in a group of smiling and waving bikini clad girls. Off to one side was Trini, holding her arms over her chest and scowling at the camera. 

"What the...." Tanya stared at the flier. Then she glared at Jason who was now conscious and standing. "You were supposed to be at a peace conference, not running a girlie show, you PIG!" 

Jason held his hands out defensively. "Well, you can't really expect us to be at a peace conference for two years. Besides, what better way to promote world peace?" 

"Why you..." Tanya tried to attack Jason but Adam held out his arm to calm her as Jason quickly teleported out. 

"Whoa, Tanya," Adam said. "I know Jason was wrong, but aren't you overreacting?" 

Tanya turned to Adam. "Really? And what part did you have in this?" She jumped at Adam in an attempt to scratch him. 

Adam jumped back. "Hey, I've already got enough scratches from last night, I don't need anymore. Here, Curtis." He tossed his morpher to Curtis and quickly transported away. 

Tanya looked around her. Emily and Richie were standing in one corner discussing their experiences in working at the Juice Bar and arguing over who was the best server. Curtis was in another corner playing his trumpet loudly and off tune. Raymond was placing coasters under Bulk and Skull's shakes. And Zordon was swigging down a bottle of whiskey while David whined to him about the star on his new helmet. 

"No way I'm staying here," she grumbled. "But who's left to give my power to?" Then she spotted a figure standing quietly in the corner. "Ah, finally! A red herring who actually knows martial arts! Here, catch!" With that, she flung her morpher at the figure and transported out. 

"What the..." asked Penny as something hard bounced off her chest. She bent down to pick it up. "A morpher! Hey, thanks!" she yelled to the empty spot where Tanya had been. 

The End 


	3. Zordon's Big Mistake

Disclaimer: All the characters here belong to Saban. None of them belong to me. I don't own any of the characters from the other shows briefly hinted at during the last part of this story. They also belong to Saban except for TTAFFBH and I have no idea who owns them. Thank you to all who replied to my question about the Yellow Ranger's weapon in Zeo, especially Jeremy Ray Logsdon, Jeff, RoccoB64, and Miko. I decided to go with nunchaku. And please don't get upset because I insulted your favorite character. It's all in fun and all of the behaviors and characteristics are extremely exaggerated. This story comes right after Revenge of the Red Herrings. 

Zordon's Big Mistake  
by   
Eileen (Psycho Tangerine) 

**Scene 1- Power Chamber**

Zordon sighed as he watched his newest team of Zeo Rangers. It had not yet been a week since Tommy, Jason, Adam, Rocky, Tanya, and Kat had felt compelled to quit. At first he hadn't really cared. After all, they each had a new Ranger to replace them. And what did it matter who was a Power Ranger as long as there was someone to battle Cogs and Mondo's monstrous creations? "God, what an @%$# I've been," Zordon murmured. He took a swig from a glass of lemonade and began to gag. What he wouldn't have given to have his whiskey back. But, no, now that he was in AA that idiot Alpha had insisted that he throw it all away. 

His reverie was interrupted by the sound of glass shattering. Not even bothering to glance in the direction of the offending sound, Zordon shouted. "Richie! Emily! Clean up that glass and stop your stupid contests already! No one gives a $%#^$ which of you is the better Juice Bar worker. And leave that simulator alone. It's for Ranger business only." 

"Ha!" Richie sneered at Emily, totally ignoring Zordon. "You lost this time." 

"So what? You dropped the last three trays before this," retorted Emily as she picked up her tray, ignoring the broken glass. 

"Bet you can't carry ten jumbo-sized pistachio chip sundaes, and three mega burger meals at the same time." 

Emily folded her arms. "Quadruple or nothing? You're on!" They both ran back to the simulator. 

************************************************************************ 

"Zooooordoooon!" David whined. "I don't like these costumes! They're booooriiiing! I want new ones!" 

Zordon closed his eyes and moaned. "David I've told you a thousand times this week. I can't give you new Ranger uniforms. The colors and designs are an intricate part of the ancient Zeo crystals. Even I cannot interfere with that. So don't whine about it." 

"But Zooordoooon!" David's whiney voice increased in both pitch and volume. "Why not? You're lyyyying. You can too change the costumes. I hate reeeed! I hate that stupid staaar! I haaaate all these stupid cooooloooors. Please change them. Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase!" 

"Uh, well why don't you take it up with...." Zordon quickly glanced at Alpha and noticed smoke coming out of his head. "Oh, I see you've already been speaking to Alpha." He then glanced back at David who had unceremoniously flopped to the floor in a tantrum. 

"I haaaate you! You're meeeeean!" David continued to whine and screech. 

"All right! All right!" Zordon winced in pain. "I give up! You win! We'll change the colors. Just shut the %#@# up!" 

Alpha, whose head had stopped smoking, looked up at Zordon. "But Zordon, I thought you said we couldn't...." 

"Forget what I said! Just do it! I'm already getting cracks in my tube from his infernal whining." 

************************************************************************ 

"Thump!" Zordon turned his attention to Curtis who had just fallen backwards over the communications console accidentally activating it in the process. "What the %&*%^ are you doing?" Zordon yelled at him. 

Before Curtis could reply, Trey's fuzzy image appeared on the viewscreen. "Zordon, I received your message. Do you require assistance? Is Mondo giving you problems?" He glanced quizzically at his view of the Power Chamber. "Uh, is it me or do the Rangers look somewhat different?" 

"Ooh, real observant, aren't we?" Zordon replied sarcastically. "Look, you alien schizo, I didn't call you. That klutz," he tilted his head in Curtis' direction, "fell on the communications panel. And the way these idiots are driving me crazy I'm seriously thinking of defecting to Mondo. So goodbye!" With that, Zordon deactivated the communication from his tube. 

He then turned his attention to Curtis who was performing a series of spastic, uncoordinated moves. "Will you stop all that clumsy dancing already? I'm getting seasick just watching you." 

"Oh, I'm just practicing some dance moves. I figure if Zack could do it, so can I. Gotta keep up with Black Ranger tradition." 

"What the %*$^& are you talking about? Adam never..." 

"Thud!" Curtis fell over Alpha causing him to start smoking again. 

************************************************************************ 

"Alpha!" boomed Zordon. "Stop that! You know this is a non-smoking chamber!" 

Alpha immediately stopped smoking. "Ay yi yi, sorry, Zordon." 

"Never mind. Please turn on the viewing screen. It's time for "All My Floating Heads." 

"Ay yi yi," said Alpha as he tried to adjust the screen, "It's just showing random numbers. I can't get it to work." 

"Well fix it! I want to see if Sally-head stays with Sammy-head or if she goes back to Larry-head." 

"Right away, Zordon." Alpha turned around and tripped over several wires that had been attached to the back of the viewing screen. 

"Raymond!" Zordon boomed, noticing the wires for the first time. "Leave the computers and machinery alone!" 

Raymond peeked up from behind the viewing screen. "But Zordon, I know I can get this thing to show more channels. And I can get a clearer picture." 

"Oh yeah," Zordon sneered as the Power Chamber shook from the fourth explosion that day, "just like the way you 'fixed' the invisibility shield. It's lucky our defense shield is still up or those bombs of Mondo's would've finished us by now." 

"Hey!" Raymond jumped up and ran to the shield console. "I could add enough power to them to stop us from shaking." 

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at Raymond in horror. "No!" They all screamed at him. 

"Ok, ok," Raymond reluctantly removed his hands from the console. "Sheesh." 

************************************************************************ 

Zordon sighed in relief. It was then that he noticed Penny who was standing against the wall and growling at anyone who came near her. 

"Don't bother me!" she growled. "I can do it myself. I don't need your help." 

Zordon groaned. "What the %#@#& are you talking about, Penny? No one's even bothering you. And you're not doing anything that would require help anyway. You're just standing there and shouting like an idiot." 

Penny paused in her tirade and turned her head towards Zordon's voice. "I'm just practicing, Zordon. If I've got to be fighting monsters, I don't want anyone to help me just because I can't see." 

"Your being blind has nothing to do with it. Rangers always help each other out. That's called teamwo...." 

"I can beat these cogs on my own!" Penny resumed her tirade. "Don't you kick them for me!" 

Zordon sighed. "Never mind." 

************************************************************************ 

"Hey, you two!" He yelled at Bulk and Skull who were running around, trying to clean up and fix all the damage being done to the Power Chamber. "Can't you keep them under control? You are in charge of the Rangers after all." 

"Rangers?" Bulk huffed as he finished sweeping up the broken glass. "You could get monkeys that would be better Power Rangers than these guys." 

"Yeah, monkeys," Skull concurred as he worked to put the viewing screen back to normal. 

Bulk turned around to glare at his best friend. "Why do you always copy what I say?" he asked. 

"Yeah, copy what you.... oops, sorry force of habit," Skull grinned sheepishly. 

"Dweep, dweep, dweep!" 

"Ay yi yi!" Mondo's sent some Cogs down to Angel Grove Park! And there's an awful lot of them!" 

"Rangers," Zordon boomed. "You must teleport to the park and defeat them." 

"But Zooordon!" David whined. "What about the new costumes? You prooomised!" 

"Fine!" Zordon quickly said before David could go into another tantrum. "I got them ready. Show them the schematics, Alpha." 

As the Rangers saw their new uniforms on the viewing screen, all of them except David and Penny groaned in disbelief. 

"Penny, I also had Alpha design a new helmet for you which will help you in your fights." 

Penny scowled. "I don't need no....." She shuddered as Zordon began to breathe heavily and swear under his breath. "Uh, I mean thanks, thanks a lot," she stated quickly with a painted on smile. 

Zordon stopped swearing. "That's more like it. Now, go morph and stop those Cogs." 

"Aw, do we have to?" Emily stared at her costume in disgust. 

"Yeah, these costumes really hurt my eyes." Curtis added. 

"At least our costumes didn't get changed," Skull muttered to Bulk. 

"That's because they're already idiotic, you idiot," Bulk growled back. 

"Shut up! Its bad enough I have to hear that one whining," Zordon nodded his head toward David. "I don't need to hear it from the rest of you. Now Morph!" 

"Zeo Ranger 1- Paisley Puce," groaned Emily. 

"Zeo Ranger 2- Striped Sepia," shouted Penny. 

"Zeo Ranger 3- Plaid Periwinkle," groaned Richie. 

"Zeo Ranger 4- Checkered Chartreuse," groaned Curtis. 

"Zeo Ranger 5- Marbled Maroon," shouted David gleefully. 

"Herringbone Burnt Umber Ranger Power," groaned Raymond. 

"Polka-Dot Ranger Power!" shouted Bulk. 

"Zigzag Ranger Power!" shouted Skull. 

"And may the power protect you," Zordon said as the Rangers teleported out. "Lord knows that bunch'll need all the help they can get." 

**Scene 2- Juice Bar**

Six teenagers, who until a week ago had been part of a brave defense force known as the Power Rangers sat around a large table in the back of Ernie's Juice Bar. Rocky was studying the help wanted section of the Angel Grove Gazette and Tommy was running a search for jobs on Billy's old laptop. Kat, who was flipping through the latest issue of Vogue, kept giving Jason an occasional kick under the table. Jason for his own part did not appear to notice and instead focused on admiring his own well-developed biceps. Meanwhile, Tanya worked on her nails, filing them to sharp points, and giving an occasional wicked grin at Adam who seemed more than a little unnerved. 

"What is it with you women and your need to have those long claws at the end of your fingers?" Adam mumbled. 

"So, Adam," Tanya asked, ignoring his question. "Do you want to come over my house tonight? We could watch videos, make popcorn...." 

In a flash, Adam's face went from shy to excited. "Whoa, yes!" 

Tanya paused in her filing and began to critically examine her nails. "I only asked if you wanted to come to my house. Nothing more. My parents are going to be home. Oh, and you just answered your own question. Hey, Kat, do you have any of that cherry red nail polish on you?" 

"Sure," Kat dug the bottle out of her purse and handed it to Tanya who proceeded to color her nails. 

Adam's face visibly deflated and he shyly hung his head again. 

Rocky suddenly jumped up, knocking his half-eaten double fudge sundae onto the front of Kat's rose pink t-shirt. She turned her glare from Jason to Rocky. "Hey!" she began to growl at him. "What the #@&#% do you think..." 

"Wow!" Jason shouted, finally looking away from his own biceps to stare at her soaked t-shirt. "Kat's not wearing a bra!" 

Kat stopped her tirade on Rocky to glare once again at Jason. "Pig!" she shouted, covering her chest with her arms. She then ran into the ladies' room in tears. 

"No need to be embarrassed about them," Jason called after her. "You'll develop one day soon." 

Rocky who was still standing began to wave his newspaper in the air excitedly "Hey! Here's a great ad! It's perfect!" He began to read in a halting manner. "St..strong...bra....umm...brave....ten....no uh....teen....teenagers....need...needed to...." 

"I've got it!" Tommy interrupted. 

"Whatever you got, don't give it to me," Jason absent-mindedly commented. 

"Ha ha" Tommy grumbled. 

"What is it, Tommy?" Kat gave one last sniff as she returned to her seat, her shirt adequately dried from the restroom's hand dryer. 

"Well, we're all young and good looking so why don't we just get jobs as go-go.... 

"Ahem, Tommy, kids' show? The censors and all that?" Tanya said. 

"...go err go-kart repair technicians." 

"Uh, nice try," Adam snorted, "but I don't think that's even a real job." 

"Listen, guys!" Rocky shouted. "Strong, brave teenagers needed to...de...uh...de." 

Tommy pressed a few keys in utter boredom. A second later, he pounded the table in excitement. This caused his own super-sized kiwi smoothie to fall onto Kat's lap and soak her thin cotton pants. "Holy %*$*#*" Jason gasped, "Kat's not even wearing any...." 

"Shut up, bastard!" Kat screeched as she once again ran to the bathroom in tears. 

Tommy, ignoring his girlfriend's plight pointed excitedly to the laptop screen. "Look at this! Here's a great way for us to make a lot of money." 

"How Tommy?" Tanya sighed. 

"According to this, all we have to do is send a dollar to each person on this list and then write our names on the bottom of the list." 

"Uh, Tommy? Hello in there?" Tanya began to knock on his head. "That's a very well known scam." 

"Really?" Rocky looked up from his ad in bewilderment. "Gee, I was wondering why the money hasn't been coming in yet." 

Ernie walked by the table. "Hey, why are you guys looking for jobs?" 

"Err, ahh," Adam hesitated, "we kind of lost our old ones. We need something to replace them." 

"Really? But I always thought you Power Rangers worked for free." 

"Are you for real?" Tommy squeaked, "we charge Zordon by the mons...." 

Tanya clamped her hand on his mouth. "Shhh, Ernie, you know we were Power Rangers?" 

Ernie sighed and rolled his eyes. "Of course, Bulk and Skull knew, didn't they?" 

"Uh, yeah" 

"So if those two bumbling idiots could figure it out, so could everyone else." 

"Everyone else?" gasped Adam. 

"Hey," Jason chirped, "maybe we could charge them for autographs and to answer any questions they may have." 

"You mean sell out?!?" exclaimed Tommy. "We can't do that. What about not using the powers for personal gain?" 

"Uh, what powers?" asked Kat as she once again returned from the ladies' room. "Remember, Zordon dumped us for those idiots." 

"Oh, that's right," replied Tommy. "Well then, I guess it's ok. Hey Ernie, do you think we could set up a question and answer booth here? We'll give you a cut in the profits." 

"Actually there's only one question we want to ask all of you." 

"Oh? And what is that?" 

Suddenly, a pair of nunchaku shattered a window, crashing into a nearby table and sweeping off the plates and glasses of its occupants. 

"Sorry about that!" A female voice yelled through the window. 

Everyone turned to the former Rangers and shouted. "Will you PLEASE get your Ranger jobs back?" 

Scene 3: Angel Grove Park 

"Ok!" Bulk shouted as the Rangers materialized in Angel Grove Park. "Let's crush these walking tin cans as quickly as possible." 

He and Skull nodded to each other and then began to fight the cogs. 

David attempted to sidekick a cog as it approached him from the left. But it managed to flip over his outstretched leg and land neatly on its feet. David then tried to kick its legs out from under it, but the cog jumped out of the way again. The momentum of his kick caused David to unceremoniously fall on his butt. 

"No fair!" David whined as he sat on the dry grass. "He's cheating! Tell him to stop cheating!" He lay on his stomach and began to beat and kick the ground in a screeching tantrum. The cogs closest to him began to bang their own heads on trees and park benches in agony from the sound, dismantling themselves in the process. 

"Stop that nonsense and fight!" Bulk shouted to him. 

"I caaaaannn't. They don't fight faaaiiiirrr!" David continued to screech. 

"Of course they don't fight fair, you idiot!" Bulk growled at him. 

"NOOOO FAAAAIIIRRR!" David screeched. "You're TEEEEAAAAASSSSSIIIIING MEEEEEE!" He continued to scream and pound the ground. 

Bulk opened his mouth to say more to David, then closed it and shook his head. 

************************************************************************ 

While Skull paused for a few seconds from the battle to catch his breath he noticed that Richie and Emily had carried their obsessive Juice Bar contest to the fight scene. They were both using plastic day-glo Frisbees from an abandoned picnic site to carry small rocks back and forth. They both ignored the cogs who were surrounding them. 

"Now this is the way to do it," stated Richie as he carefully balanced his Frisbee on one hand. 

"Yeah right," Emily countered as she ran past him. "No wonder Ernie dumped you. You must've driven his customers away in droves by making them wait for your slow service." 

"At least I didn't put the customers at risk of embarrassment the way you must be if you're serving them in such a careless manner. How many smoothies have you managed to dump on people's heads by now anyway?" 

"Elev..... hey!" Emily threw one of her rocks at Richie. 

"You know this means war," he retaliated with a rock of his own. They continued to throw rocks each other. Although their bad aims caused them to miss each other, they did manage to hit the cogs nearest them, deactivating them. 

"Hey you two!" Skull shouted as he deflected a strike to his chest. "Stop your stupid contest, drop those Frisbees, and get over here and help...." He noticed the rocks dismantling the cogs. ".... uh, never mind." 

************************************************************************ 

Near the duck pond, Curtis found himself surrounded by three cogs. "Now's my chance to prove that I'm the perfect replacement for my Cuz." With that he began a clumsy attempt at Zack's "hip hop kiddo" dance. But in doing so, he tripped himself and landed in the pond, splashing water on the cogs closest to him, causing them to disintegrate. 

He climbed out of the pond and plopped himself on the grass. "I'm a failure," he moaned. 

"Forget the stupid dance steps, and just kick some cogs!" Bulk hollered across to him just before getting tackled by two cogs. 

Ignoring Bulk, Curtis pulled out a trumpet he had somehow managed to stow in his pocket and began to play the blues. The cogs closest to him began to shiver and fall apart from the screeching dissonance that came from the horn. 

************************************************************************ 

Meanwhile, Raymond sat on one of the swings, concentrating on his laptop computer. 

"Talk about your computer addict," Bulk mumbled. "Yo, Raymond!" he hollered, "we could really use your help here!" 

"Bulk!" Skull called to his friend as he dodged a cog's punch. "Didn't Billy used to help the old Rangers by making a lot of great devices for them? Maybe that's what he's doing." 

"Is that it, Raymond? Are you making something to help us with this battle? What is it? A new type of weapon or shield?" Bulk edged closer to Raymond as he spoke. "Whew!" he jumped back before he could get close enough to see the computer screen. "When was the last time you got off that thing long enough to bathe?!" 

"Yes!!! Raymond shouted, pounding the air with his left fist. "2000 points! Uh, did you say something, Bulk?" Raymond got off the swing and began to walk toward him. Cogs began to spontaneously combust as he went past them. 

"Never mind!" Bulk shouted in a tinny voice as he held his nose and backed away. "Just go back to the swing and continue whatever you were doing. We'll take care of the cogs ourselves." 

Raymond shrugged his shoulders and headed back to the swings, causing more cogs to combust as he passed them. 

************************************************************************ 

"Ok," Penny mumbled to herself, "Zordon said this helmet would help me. I wonder what it can do. Activating Striped Sepia Helmet!" she shouted. "What the %$#@?!?!" she growled as an instructional audio cassette designed to teach karate to young children came on. "Screw this, I'll just fight on my own." She deactivated the helmet and began swinging her nunchaku at random. 

"Whoa!" Skull ducked. "Watch where you're tossing that thing!" 

"You've got to be kidding," Penny retorted as she continued to fling her weapon. The other Rangers began to duck her swings, some of which hit cogs and some of which landed in less desirable places. "Sorry about that!" she hollered as she heard glass shattering in the direction of the Juice Bar. 

**Scene 4: Machine Empire Skybase **

"I got it!" Mondo shouted happily as he viewed the ongoing battle. "I know just how to defeat these so-called Rangers." 

"What are you gonna do, Pop?" asked Sprocket. "Kidnap them? Send a really fierce monster? Give the cogs better wea...." 

"Hush, Dear," Machina gently bopped her son on the head with her ever-present fan. "Your father is speaking." 

"Ahem," Mondo cleared his throat. "As I was saying, I know just what to do to win this fight." He called Klank and Orbus over and conversed with them for a minute. 

"Aye, Your Majesty," Klank said with a bow, "that is a perfect plan. We'll get right on it." A few minutes later, Orbus and he teleported to the park with a large box. 

Scene 5: Back in Angel Grove Park 

"Klank and Orbus are here!" Skull announced when he noticed the pair standing on a nearby building. 

"What for?" Bulk gasped as he received a punch from a cog. "There're no monsters here for them to grow." 

"Hey Cogs! Presents from King Mondo! Catch!" With that, Klank flung the box at the playground then Orbus and he teleported back to the Skybase. 

The contents fell out of the box and magically fell on the cogs as needed. Earmuffs appeared on those cogs nearest to David and Curtis, effectively blocking out the hideous sounds they were making. Armor appeared on the ones near Richie and Emily, as well as Penny. This helped them to effectively deflect the blows from the flying rocks as well as from Penny's nunchaku. Finally, clothespins appeared on the noses of those cogs closest to Raymond, making it easier for them to approach him. In practically no time, the cogs had begun to overwhelm the Rangers. 

"I think we're in trouble," Raymond shouted as a cog grabbed his arms. 

"No duh," said Bulk who had found himself trapped in a cog circle. "Whatever gave you that idea?" 

"What should we do?" Richie asked as several of the cogs backed him into a tree. 

"Try fighting them," Skull growled as he tried to kick at the two cogs holding him, "that's what Rangers normally do." 

**Scene 6: Back at the Skybase**

"It's working, your Majesty!" Klank announced as he reappeared in the Machine King's throne room. 

"Yes! Victory is mi......WHAT THE...?!?!" King Mondo exclaimed as the cogs suddenly stopped moving. "SPROCKET!!!!" He bellowed.. How many times have I told you not to use the cogs' batteries in those %#$@ toys of yours?" 

"Hey Mom, Dad just said a dirty word." said Sprocket. 

Machina whacked Mondo on the head with her fan. "Dear, please! Watch your language. Swearing in front of a child, whatever will the censors think?" 

Mondo bowed his head. "Sorry dear, I forgot." 

**Scene 7: Once again at the park**

"What happened?" asked Penny when the cog holding her suddenly disappeared. 

"I don't know," answered Bulk. "Let's get back to the Power Chamber." 

**Scene 8: Power Chamber**

"Welcome back, Rangers," Zordon sneered sarcastically after they had teleported back to the Power Chamber. "I really want to congratulate you on the *wonderful* way you fought those cogs." 

"Thanks, Zordon!" Emily chirped brightly. 

"Oh shut up, you idiot. Damn and I thought Kat was bad." Zordon glared at the team. "After seeing that pathetic performance, I've decided to get some new Rangers." 

"Won't that make it crowded in here?" asked Curtis. 

Zordon sighed. "Not if I make some room." A second later, David, Curtis, Emily, Richie, and Raymond found themselves powerless. 

"Hey, wait a minute! What about Penny?" David whined. "Why are you letting her stay? No fair!" 

"Because aside from Bulk and Skull she's the only one who at least tried to fight. Although it was too bad about the Juice Bar window. Now, goodbye." With that, he quickly transported them out. 

"See you, wouldn't want to be you," Penny called after them as they left. 

"Penny," said Zordon, "I want to commend you on your attempts to defeat the cogs. But we will have to work on your fighting abilities. Perhaps I should get you the preschool version of that audio tape in your hel..." He paused as Penny began pressing buttons on the viewscreen. 

"All right, Baby!" She whistled as the Playgirl channel came on. "Show me that bod..." She heard Zordon breathing heavily again. "Uh oh," she said meekly as she looked up to his tube. 

"Hold the phone there, Missy," boomed Zordon. "You can SEE?!?!" 

"Ay yi yi!" exclaimed Alpha. "It's a miracle!" 

"Miracle, my %&%# ass. Looks more to me like we've got a real con artist here." 

"Hey, I've got to make a living somehow," Penny retorted. "What better way to make a lot of money than to just pretend I'm a blind karate expert? Everyone pays me top dollar just to see me do my act." 

"I know exactly the type of act I would've paid to see you perform," Zordon sighed. 

"Shut up, you dirty old pervert," growled Penny. 

"Nevertheless, I can't have you being a Power Ranger." Penny suddenly found herself without her powers. 

"What? Just because of a teeny weeny white lie?" 

"No, because now I can't excuse that crappy fighting you did. In fact I'll be forwarding all of the repair bills we'll be receiving from Angel Grove citizens to you. Now get out of here." With that, Zordon teleported Penny out. 

"Ay yi yi, Zordon," Alpha whined, "Now who can we get to fight King Mondo's monsters." 

"You still have us," said Bulk as he paused in his attempts to fix Raymond's *repair* work on the invisibility shield. 

Zordon snorted. "Oh, really? And do you plan to fight all of the monsters by yourselves?" 

Bulk quickly shut up and went back to work. 

Zordon stared thoughtfully at Alpha. "Alpha, would you...." 

"Oh no, Zordon. I can't do it. But then again...oh do you really think I could? Oh, ay yi yi, this is all happening too fast." 

"What the #@*@& are you talking about, you half-witted rust bucket?" asked Zordon. "I was just going to ask you to do a computer search for me." 

"Oh, hehe," laughed Alpha in embarrassment. "What am I searching for? You've already got all the pictures from the Sally-head porn site." 

"No, no, this time I want you to do a search using the words "California" and "superheroes." See what you come up with. If we're lucky we'll find someone to replace those losers." 

"Ok, searching now...." said Alpha. "Results are coming up on the viewscreen." 

"What are they?" asked Skull when he saw three metallically clad bug-like fighters. "Those costumes are great!" 

"Hmmmph," said Zordon as he watched these superheroes go back to their civilian identities. They're just kids. There is no way that I'll ever have children fight for me." 

"Then how about those three?" Bulk said as he watched yet another trio of superheroes unmorph. "Those aren't kids. They certainly look like they can help us." 

Zordon shook his head. "They only fight virtual monsters. They'd probably just crumple like crybabies if faced with real ones." 

"I really don't think..." Bulk stopped as he saw Zordon scowling at him. "Uh, never mind. What's next, Alpha?" 

"Ay yi yi," what about this team, Zordon?" Alpha made the next set of superheroes appear. 

"Ahhhhhhhh!" everyone yelled. 

"Get rid of it! Quick!" Skull groaned as he covered his eyes. "Who the $@#% put those tattooed weirdoes on a webpage?" 

"Ay yi yi, Zordon, I really don't think we'll find any help this way." 

"Keep looking Alpha," ordered Zordon. "There has to be a team out there somewhere that can help us." 

**To Be Continued (maybe)**

Will Zordon, Alpha 5, Bulk, and Skull ever find a new team to help them? Will the former Rangers ever find jobs? Will I be able to complete the next fanfic in less than a year? Will I ever stop being confused? Tune in next time (I hope) for at least some answers to these mind-boggling questions. 


	4. Hey, Hey, We're the Rangers?

     _Disclaimer:_ All the characters here are owned by…well, it's not me.  I am not making any money off this. Also, I believe that this story is my own idea, but I have read a ton of fan-fics, so if anyone thinks I've stolen anything from their stories please let me know so I can correct the problem if necessary.  If anyone sees any typos or grammatical mistakes please let me know.

     This is the final installment of this series.  I apologize for taking years to write this.  I apologize to all the readers who will be smacking their heads with frying pans after reading this.  And just remember that I try to make fun of everyone.  So don't get all insulted because I mocked your favorite character.  Thanks to all those who read and to all those who review.

**Hey, Hey, We're the Rangers?**

**By**

**Eileen (Psycho Tangerine)**

**Scene One:  Machine Empire Skybase**

     Mondo, King of the Machine Empire, could barely contain his delight as he watched the red herrings fly out of the Power Chamber's unused chimney and land on their butts.  "I can't believe it!" He chortled evilly.  "There are no Rangers left...Zordon has really gone off his rocker leaving Angel Grove unguarded.  Now I must think of a way to..."  

     "But, Pop," Prince Sprocket interrupted as he waddled into the throne room.  "The Polka Dot and Zigzag Rangers are still in power."

     "As I was saying," Mondo continued through gritted teeth, "there are no 'effective' Power Rangers left.  Now all I need to do is think of a way to take advantage of this before he gets new Rangers.  Perhaps we could..." A metallic flapping sound to his right disrupted his thoughts.  "Machina!!!!" 

     "What is, Darling?" Machina, Queen of the Machine Empire, cooed while flapping her ever-present metal fan.

      "Why must you keep flapping that confounded thing?  I've already got tinnitus from hearing it all the time." 

     Machina glared at her mechanical husband and proceeded to flap even harder.  "I'll stop using this fan when you stop being a skinflint and get air conditioning put in here."  

     Mondo pressed his metallic hands against the sides of his head and moaned.  "You know that we don't have the money for air conditioning right now.  That radiator-faced slob and his piggish crone wife left this place such a disgusting mess that I..."

     "That you had to sink all of our savings into a professional redecorator," Machina interrupted impatiently.  "I know the story.  You've repeated it over and over."  She stopped flapping her fan and shoved it into his chest.  "Anyway, that's a load of bull.  I know for a fact that this so-called 'professional decorator' is just your cousin, Londo.  And that he did it for free to repay that poker debt he owed you.  So stop with the cheap act."  With that Machina pulled out a second fan and began flapping both fans vigorously.

     Mondo, whose hands were still clamped to the side of his head, fell to his knees in pain.  "Fine, fine I'll get you the #$%# air conditioning, only stop giving me a headache!"

     "Headaches are so last season, Pop," quipped Sprocket.

     Mondo grabbed his son by his crown and flung him towards Machina.  "And take this annoying gnome with you.  I've got to have some quiet to think of a new plan for taking over Angel Grove."  
  


**Scene Two:  The Power Chamber**

     Skull yawned as he stared at the viewing screen.  For several hours, Bulk and he had been forced to stare at a variety of bizarre characters in their elusive search for new Rangers.  No matter how promising a team seemed to them, Zordon continued to turn them down.  His reasons ranged from the colors of their socks not matching to them not being able to stand on one foot and balance plates on their head at the same time.  Of course, these bizarre excuses may have been due to the fact that, by keeping everyone so busy, Zordon had been able to smuggle a few cases of vodka into his tube.    

     "That's them!"  Zordon suddenly exclaimed as yet another team of 'super heroes' appeared on the viewing screen.  This caused Bulk and Skull to jump and Alpha's head to whirl incessantly until Bulk gave him a whack.   

     "Ahem," Zordon continued, annoyed at the interruption, "As I was trying to say, that's the team I want for my next set of Power Rangers!"    

     "Uh, Zordon?" Bulk looked up from the screen displaying the 'super heroes' whom Zordon had just selected to be his newest rangers.  "Those guys aren't even real, they're just from a television show.  And an old one at that."

     "Oh, really?" Zordon snapped as he took another swallow from his ever-present bottle.  "You...an almost no one... is telling me...the wisest being in all the universe that *I* can't do something?"  

     "Talk about your gigantic ego," Skull mumbled to himself.

     "Shut up or I'll put you back on latrine duty," Zordon growled at him. "The HippoZord has had a bad case of diarrhea all week."

     "Yeccch," Skull backed away and clammed up.

     "Aye yi yi," Alpha whined as usual.  "That Ex-Lax monster really did some damage on him last week, didn't he?"

     "Fine," Bulk sighed, "then tell us how we're going to have those guys get here."

     Zordon looked at him like he was an idiot.  "You've got to be kidding.  All we have to do is use a simple plot device known as a crossover."

     Bulk stared at Zordon for a few seconds.  "Zordon? Don't crossovers usually occur between two television shows or stories about those shows?  I mean..."

     "Wouldn't we need to be in a television show or in a story about it?" Skull finished for his incredulous friend.

     "What? You actually believe that Zords and giant monsters are all a part of real life?  You actually believe that beings such as myself actually exist?" Zordon began to laugh in a disturbing manner.  "I suppose you also believe Santa Claus exists as well."

     "He doesn't?" Skull asked, nearly in tears.  Bulk shoved the letter to Santa he had been working on under a console.

     "At least this explains how Saban got these two to work on this show for free," Alpha commented.

     "You mean...WE'RE ON A TELEVISION SHOW?" Bulk gasped before he and Skull fainted simultaneously.

Scene Three:  The Youth Center 

     Rocky sighed in exasperation.  The other ex-Rangers had been arguing about what they should do with their free time now that they were no longer Rangers.  In between their arguments, one or the other would whine about Zordon allowing them to get replaced by the red herrings.  And, of course, no one would listen to him.  Rocky pointed once more to the ad in the newspaper he was carrying.  "Here's how we can get our...."

     "That's it!"  Tommy shouted.  "I know what we should do."

     "What?" asked Kat, "Get our Rangering jobs backs?"

     "Don't be silly," Tommy said in a patronizing voice as he patted her on the head, ignoring the scowl Kat gave him.  "We can find something even greater.  Well, at least I can.  I can't say the same for you pathetic wannabes."  He glared at Jason with this final statement.

     "WANNABES????" Jason roared.  "I'll show you 'wannabes' Mr. 'Let me act so pathetic when I waste my Green powers that Zordon will feel sorry for me and make me the White Ranger so I can steal Jason's hard-earned leadership from him!'"  

     Adam and Tanya grabbed Jason before he could actually attack Tommy.  "Can't you two give it a rest?" asked Adam.

    "Yeah," agreed Kat who, with Rocky, was holding back an equally livid Tommy.  "If this is how you two behave as best friends.  I'm afraid to know what you would do as enemies."

     "Oh yeah," Tommy began, "if you...uh...that is...uh...oh man!"  He suddenly began to sob.  "You're right, Jason.  That's the only reason I wasted my Green powers like that.  I wanted to be the leader of the team.  I'm sorry, can you ever forgive me?"

     To the other Rangers' disbelief, Jason had also begun to cry.  "I'm sorry, too," he wailed.  "I was so jealous of you that I actually bribed the judges at the 'Be a Peace Conference Delegate' contest so that Trini, Zack, and I would leave you in the lurch with a clumsy techno-babbling geek, a valley girl who was too busy ogling your spandexed butt to fight properly, and some puny little inexperienced twerps.  Can you ever forgive me?"  He was completely oblivious to Rocky and Adam's low growls at this statement.

     Their fellow ex-Rangers as well as all the others present in the Youth Center stared in disbelief as Jason and Tommy fell into each other's arms and continued to sob in high pitched whines.  "Get a room, you two," someone taunted from the back of the room.  

     "Hey, they're not gay," retorted Kat.  "Tommy's my boyfriend."

     "Sure," Tanya snorted derisively.  "I've never seen Tommy hug you like that."

     "Well, that's only because he doesn't want me to catch that rare tropical disease that he had caught when he single-handedly fought those Japs at Iwo Jima."  With a great yank, Kat managed to pull her boyfriend out of Jason's arms.

     "Geez, even I'm not dumb enough to believe that," commented Rocky.

     "Never mind that," Adam said.  "What was your idea, Tommy?"  

     "Oh man, I forgot." 

     "He forgot his own idea," sighed Adam.  "Why am I not surprised?  Well, I guess that's it then.  Sorry, Tanya, but I'm going to have to wait a few more years to save up for that engagement ring."

     Adam stood up to leave the Youth Center.  At the same time, Tanya leaped up, smacked Tommy on the back of the head with a serving tray and sat back down in one smooth motion.

     "Now I remember," Tommy said.  "We could go to the Angel Grove Employment Agency.  I bet they have great jobs there."  

     "Greater than being Power Rangers and saving the world?" asked Rocky as he followed his friends out of the Youth Center.

Scene Four:  **Machine Empire Skybase**

     Mondo stood still as he tried to think of a way to attack Angel Grove.  His gears turned faster and faster causing smoke to pour out of his head.  The castle's smoke detector began to whine as water sprayed down from the ceiling.  

     Klank ran into the room with Orbus on his shoulder a minute after the shower had stopped.  "Your Majesty," he announced in a breathless bow.  "I have turned off that alarm system.  You should have no further interruptions…uh…Your Majesty?"  Klank tentatively touched Mondo and found he had rusted in place.

     Machina sauntered out of her room and took one look at her husband.  "I guess Londo knew all about the King's marked deck.  He must've installed those sprinklers as his revenge."  She pointed her fan at Klank and Orbus.  You two, go to Earth and fetch some Rustoleum."

     "But, Mom," whined Prince Sprocket.  "What about Pop's plan to defeat the Rangers?"

     Machina glared at her son.  "You're as brainless as that rusted buffoon.  There ARE no Rangers.  So we can just send in any old monster to take over those pathetic Angel Grovians."

     "Pardon me, your Majesty," interrupted Klank "but shouldn't that be Angel Grovites?"

     "How about Angel Grovers?" piped up Orbus.

     "I like Angel Grovelers, myself," suggested Sprocket.

     "Whatever," sighed Machina.   "Just send down the first monster you can get a hold of before Old Baldy finds new Rangers."

Scene Five:  The Power Chamber 

     "Ay yi yi, I really don't think this is such a good idea," whined Alpha, as four young men were teleported into the Power Chamber.  They all looked confusedly around the large cavernous room.

     "Whoa! Micky, what did you put in that spaghetti sauce of yours?" asked a tall lanky man with a thick Texas accent.

     "Oh just the usual, hot peppers, Tabasco sauce, horseradish..." replied a second young man who sported wild looking curly hair.

     "Oh, so that explains why our dinner caught on fire." 

     The third, shorter young man, backed up into his two friends.  "Mike?  Micky?" he asked with fear evident in his thick English accent.  "The...there's a bloated bald head floating in that tube."

     "Eeyuch..." said Micky in disgust as he noticed Zordon for the first time.  "He must've been dead for some time."

     "Welcome to the Power Chamber," Zordon greeted them.  "I am Zordon, this is Alpha 5, and those two are Bulk and Skull, leaders of the Power Rangers."

     "Aah!" shouted Davy.  "It..it talked"

     "It's alive," said Micky in a mad-scientist type voice as he rubbed his hands.  

     "It looks just like my Uncle Merton," commented Peter, who had remained quiet up until then.

     Mike automatically slipped into his leadership role among his friends.  "Well, I'm Mike Nesmith and these guys are Micky Dolenz, Davy Jones, and Peter Tork.  And we are…"

    All four young men posed with their hands on their hips.    

   "Dadadadada……Monkeemen!"

     "They've got to be kidding," murmured Bulk. 

"Hey, what does this do?" asked Peter as he fumbled with one of the computer panels.

     "Do not touch that...." Zordon began.

      "Whoops," came the shy musician's voice as he accidentally broke a lever.

      "Whoops?  What whoops?"  Zordon was puzzled at the laughter that had suddenly broke out.  "What the *&#$ is so funny."  He couldn't see the crab grass that had grown out of the top of his head or that his face was now made of multicolored stripes.   

     "Errr, nothing, Zordon," lied Alpha.  "Must be all that California sun melting their brains."

     "Hey," Mike interrupted the laughing.  "All kidding aside, who are you guys?  Why are we here?"

     "Maybe we're on some crazy trip," suggested Micky.

     "Psychedelic," added Peter as he tried to fix the lever he had broken with a wad of chewed gum.

     "Oh, great," moaned Skull.  "We get to hear outdated hippie-talk."

     "You four have been chosen to hold one of the greatest powers known to mankind..." began Zordon.

     "My way with women?" suggested Davy

     "My atomic spaghetti sauce?" suggested Micky     

     "My Auntie Grizelda's tapioca pudding recipe?" suggested Peter.

     "The abyss in Pete's mind?" suggested Mike.

     Zordon began to fume.  "No, no, no!  You pathetic idiots!  Let me finish!  You four are to be Power Rangers.  Now, first I will have to transfer...."

     Dwoop, Dwoop, Dwoop, Dwoop, Dwoop...went the monster alarm. 

Scene Six:  Outside the Door of the Angel Grove Employment Agency 

     "There it is."  Tanya pointed to a neon sign above a set of large glass doors.  "Angel Grove Employment Agency."  

     "Come on guys, let's do it!"  Jason shouted.

     With that, all of the ex-Rangers made exaggerated poses and shouted out morphing calls.

     "Err, sorry, force of habit," Adam sheepishly explained to the ogling group of strangers.  "I think we should just go inside."

     As they turned to enter the building, the doors crashed open.  "A METER MAID?!?!" screeched an all-too familiar voice.  "Is that supposed to be a joke?  I'm no one's maid!  Finster!"  

     "You stupid woman," growled another familiar voice.  "Finster's not here.  He's got a job at the Silly Putty Factory."  

     Tommy snickered as he and the others came face to face with the Rangers' former nemeses, Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa.  "Hey, Rita, what's wrong?  No one wants to hire a bad Madonna impersonator?  Yeeeeeoooowwww!" Rita had jammed him with her pointed 'assets.' 

     "Whoa, I've got to get me some of those," Tanya said in awe.

     Adam gulped and backed up.

     "I need something to defend myself with since my 'loving' husband won't," sneered Rita.

     "Oh, and how am I supposed to do that when you've got me piled down with all this junk?"  Zedd growled from behind the packages in his arms.

     "You don't love me...." Rita began a long whining tirade.

     "Let's get inside," ordered Tommy, a bit embarrassed by Rita's behavior.  All the former Rangers followed him into the Employment office.  Adam lagged behind still staring at the arguing couple.

     "Adam!" screeched Tanya.  "Get in here, now!"

     Zedd glanced at Adam.  "Do yourself a favor, boy, and run.... before it's too late!"  

Scene Seven:  The Comma….oops…Power Chamber 

     "That band's got a terrible sound," Davy shouted over the sound of the whooping alarm.

     "Actually, I think they're pretty good," commented Peter as he and Alpha began to dance together.

     "Alpha, cut out that stupid dancing," commanded Zordon.  "That's not a band, you yahoos.  The monster alarm is going off!"

     "M..m..m..monster?" Micky squeaked.

    "Hey, look over there." Davy pointed to the back wall of the Power Chamber.

    As Zordon, Alpha, Bulk, and Skull turned to look, the four Monkees ran around the room in super speed.  They rattled all the doors and found them all locked.  Then they hid behind consoles.

     "What…?" Skull began as he and the others turned back to where the Monkees had been standing.  "Hey, where did they go?" 

     "Ayiyiyiyi" said Alpha.  I'll start a long range scan for…"

     "Screw that," growled Zordon.  With that, he zapped the surrounding consoles with his laser eye beams, melting them and revealing the hidden musicians.  "No time to waste on stupid scans."  He glared at the Monkees.  "As I was saying, I will have to transfer the Rangers' powers to you."

     "Hey now, give us just one good reason why we should become Rangers and fight that monster," challenged Mike with his arms crossed.

     "Yeah," agreed Davy.  "We take enough risks with Micky's cooking.  And besides, I've got three dates tonight."  

     "Wow, Davy, you're really slipping," commented Micky.

     Zordon nodded at Alpha who flipped a switch and lit up the columns where the old Ranger costumes were on display.  "Do you really want to keep wearing your underwear outside of your long johns?  And how in God's name do you expect to keep your identities secret just by wearing glasses?"

     "It worked for Superman," noted Skull.

     The Monkees looked at each other in exaggerated shock.  "Why didn't someone tell us we were running around in our undies?" gasped Micky.

     "Maybe this Power Ranger idea isn't such a bad idea after all," said Mike.

     "About time," sighed Zordon.  "Mike, you…"

     "Can I be red?" interrupted Peter as he walked over to the displayed costumes.  

     Zordon scowled at him.  "As I was saying, Mike, you will be the Red Zeo Ranger because that's the color of the leader.  So it'll be your job to try to hog all the credit from your teammates."

     "Oh, then, can I be blue?" Peter asked hopefully.

     Zordon continued on.  "Micky, well…I guess you can be the Blue Zeo Ranger.  The color used to signify intelligence."  

     Micky perked up at this.

     "I said used to.  Ever since Rocky got the blue powers, they've come more to represent pure goofiness.  So, it'll be your job to make the stupidest mistakes possible and annoy the team."

     "How about green?  It'd go with my eyes."

     "How about not?  Davy, you'll be the Green Zeo Ranger.  Currently, it signifies painful shyness.  So, it'll be your job to remain quiet during battle, even if you think of a good plan to defeat the monster."

     Davy smirked.  "Well, I heard the ladies do go for the silent types so, ok."

     Peter stared doubtfully at the remaining costumes.  "Well, yellow would be ok…"

     "Peter," Zordon announced.  "You shall be the Pink Zeo Ranger."

     "Pink?" Peter gagged.  "Why can't I be yellow?"

     "Because we need someone whose job it is to constantly scream for help and our final candidate can't do that."

     "Final candidate?" Bulk asked.  "There are only four of them."

     "Bring him in Alpha."  With that, Alpha activated the teleportation system.  A large wooden dummy in a gray business suit appeared in the Chamber.

     "Mr. Schneider!" shouted the four Monkees.

     "Uh, Zordon?" asked Skull.  "How is a doll going to fight as a Ranger?"

     "He's not a doll," Peter said defensively.  "He's our best friend."

     "You guys ever consider therapy?" scoffed Bulk.

     "Never mind that," Zordon scoffed.  "I need someone with intelligence on this team.  He'll fill that quota better than any of you.  Mr. Schneider, welcome to the team.  You'll be my Yellow Zeo Ranger."

     Mike pulled on Mr. Schneider's string.  "You can lead a horse to water, but you can get into serious trouble if you try to drown it."

     Zordon laughed out loud.  "See?  Now that's what I call profound."

     Bulk murmured to Skull.  "When this is over, I think we should contact Billy about getting Zordon back into AA."

     Skull nodded in concurrence.

Scene Eight:  The Angel Grove Employment Agency 

     "So, you're all looking for employment," remarked the agent in a bored voice.  "Just what kind of jobs are you qualified for?"

     "Well," Tommy began.  "I'd like to…"

     "Aside from being superheroes."

     "Darn," Tommy pouted.

     "Why'd we even bother with secret identities?" mumbled Kat.

     "Never mind," continued the agent as she shuffled through some files.  "I've got some jobs here that you two could fill."  She nodded at Jason and Tommy.  "The people at Celebrity Deathmatch could use some more idio…uh, I mean competitors."

     "Celebrity Deathmatch?" Adam questioned Tanya.

     "Some show on MTV where claymation forms of celebrities…or has been celebrities… rip each other apart, literally.  Best part's when the body parts go flying apart," Tanya said this with a crazed far-away look in her eyes.

     "Ah, yeah." Adam sidled away from her.

     "Wait a minute," said Tommy.  "You want me and Jase to fight each other on TV?"

     "Well, yeah."  The agent turned on a VCR player on the corner of her desk.  It showed a recording of the fight between the Red Battle Zord and Pyramidas that had occurred only a few weeks ago.  "That had to be the funniest thing I ever saw.  The bigwigs at MTV think you guys would boost ratings during their "People who Outdo even Jackasses in Stupidity Week."

     "We can't do that," growled Tommy.

     "Why? If it's because of their insulting theme, I'm sure MTV would be willing to change it.  They've already starting expanding the ring to fit in those Zords of yours."

      "No, it's not that," sighed Jason.

     The agent sighed.  "Well, if it's the money, I'm sure I could get them…"

     "Not that either," interrupted Tommy.

     "Well, what is it then?" she asked in exasperation.

     "Um, ever since we made up, we realized something that had been staring at us in the eyes." Jason began as he stared at Tommy.

     "Really?  You feel it too?" Tommy gasped.  With that he grabbed Jason and gave him a long, passionate kiss.

     "Auuggggghhhh," Jason coughed as they parted.  "Get the h*ll away from me.  I just meant to say that we were really good bros who should never fight again."  He edged towards the door.  "I need some industrial strength mouthwash and a bottle of vodka to keep me from having nightmares tonight."  With that he ran out of the building.

     Tommy looked around at the others as they stared open-mouthed at him.  "Um, oopsie?"  

     "Hey Tanya, do you think you could help me put an ad in the singles column tomorrow?" Kat requested as she glared at her boyfriend.

     "Sure could.  I told you there's something odd about a guy whose hair is longer than yours.  In fact…" She whipped out a pair of scissors and headed for Adam.

     "Ah, help!" Adam shouted as he ran around the room with Tanya chasing him.

     The employment agent looked at Kat.  "The Angel Grove Fire Department could use you, my dear."

     "Oh, I'm not sure about that," pondered Kat.  "I mean it'd be great to continue being a hero." 

     Tommy and Rocky sniggered.  "My ninety five year old great grandmother is more heroic than her," Rocky commented under his breath.

     Kat continued, oblivious of her friends' opinions.  "But, I just don't think that stuff they wear will flatter my figure.  I mean what if it makes me look fat?"

     "Trust her to blow a future story plot," grumbled Saban from the sidelines.  "Someone go change the Turbo episode where Blondie thinks she's too fat to be a firefighter to one where she thinks she's too fat to be a ballerina."

     The agent laughed.  "Oh, they don't need you as a firefighter, silly.  Their alarm is on the fritz and they need someone with a high pitched whine to replace it until they get a new one."

     "Well, I never.  Does EVERYONE have to make fun of my pathetic need for Tommy every five seconds? Forget it, I'm out of here."  Kat turned and sashayed out of the building.

     "Man, I can never get enough of that," said Tommy staring after his soon to be ex-girlfriend's retreating form.

     "Me neither," agreed Adam who now sported a butchered crew cut.

     "WHAT?????"  Adam turned in time to see smoke coming out of Tanya's nose.  

     "Ahhh, help!"  Adam screamed as he ran out of the office with Tanya in hot pursuit.

     "Looks like it's just me" Tommy said.  

     "Not really," Rocky began.  "I'm still here and I really think you should read..."

     Tommy continued as if Rocky hadn't spoken.  He leaned towards the agent and whispered to her in a conspirational manner.  "Now that those losers are gone, you can go ahead and give me one of the juicy jobs you've got on the side."

     "I give up!"  Rocky growled as he crumpled up the newspaper he had been carrying.  He stormed out of the office, tossing it towards the wastebasket where it bounced off the rim and landed on the floor.

     "Well," said the agent.  "Madame Pouffet's Dog Salon does need a flea picker…"

     "Forget it, I'll just go and find a job worthy of my greatness on my own."  Tommy began to leave, then paused as he noticed the crumpled piece of newspaper on the floor by the waste paper basket.  He picked it up and read it.  

     "Hey, guys!"  He shouted as he ran from the office in excitement.  Guess what?  There's an ad here looking for Rangers.  We can get our old jobs back!  I guess I get to be the 'hero' yet again."

     "Noooooooooooo!" howled Rocky.

**Scene Nine:  The Power Chamber**

     "Whoa, this watch is totally far out," stated Micky in awe as he stared at the morpher on his wrist.  

     Davy and Mike nodded in agreement.

     Peter shook his and kept putting it to his ear.

     "What's wrong?" asked Bulk.

     "I can't find the big and little hands.  And it's not ticking."

     "Hey neither is mine," noticed Mike.  "Is there a return policy for these things?"

     "THOSE ARE NOT WATCHES YOU MORONIC BABOONS!"  Zordon's head was throbbing as he glared at his new 'team.'  "THAT ALARM HAS BEEN SOUNDING FOR ALMOST AN HOUR NOW.  SO GET YOUR BUTTS MOVING ALREADY!"

     "Ayiyi," whined Alpha.  "Please calm down, Zordon.  I don't want to have to reassemble your head again after it explodes."

     Davy held out his wrist to Zordon.  "Well, what are these then?"

     "They're morphers."  Bulk was quick to intervene, as he did not wish Zordon to become even more angered.  

     The four young men looked blankly at him.  As well as did Mr. Schneider.

     Skull sighed.  "Look, just use them to morph by calling out your colors."

     They continued to look blankly at him.

     "The cue cards," goaded Skull as he pointed to a spot in front of them.  

     "Zeo Ranger One, Pink," murmured Peter in embarrassment.  An astronaut's suit appeared on him.

     "No, Peter," said Mike.

     There was a flash and this time a clown costume was on him.

     "No, Peter," commented Micky.

     Peter tried again.  This time a pink ballet tutu appeared.

     "No, Peter," moaned Davy.

     This time, Peter grimaced in concentration.  Finally, the Pink Zeo outfit appeared, skirt, breast molds, and all.  His face flashed with embarrassment.

     "Yes, Peter," his friends said all at once.  This was followed by a few whistles and cat calls.

     "Aw, do I have to wear this?  It's made for a wo…" Peter instantly shut-up as Zordon's face began to regain its purplish hue.

     For a minute, nothing happened.  "Uh, I think that dummy is next," commented Skull.

     "Oh, yeah."  Mike walked over and pulled on Mr. Schneider's string. "Warm cookies are soothing and often remind one of Mom, but not if kept in one's underpants."

     "Good enough," stated Bulk.  Then he and Skull worked on shoving a yellow outfit onto the wooden dummy. 

     "Zeo Ranger Three, Blue!"  Micky grew ecstatic as he morphed.  "Whoohoo!" he cried as he jumped around swinging the triangular axes. "This is the best ever!"  He continued to jump around and swing wildly as the others dodged him.  Alpha chased after him with a hypospray.

     Davy, completely ignoring his friend's usual level of crazed hyperactivity continued.  "Zeo Ranger Four, Green!"  As soon as he morphed, he ran right for a large sized mirror that, for some strange reason, was standing in the back of the room.  He then posed in front of it, admiring everything that the morphing had done to his body.  "This is so groovy," he sighed. 

     "Yeah," agreed Peter.  "Now you're tall enough to kiss girls without standing on the telephone directory."

     "No, I mean this costume.  It really shows off my…"

     "Kid's show!" called everyone else in the room.

     "…err, muscles," Davy finished shamefacedly.

     "Zeo Ranger Five, Red!"  Mike sighed and shook his head as he studied his costume.  "You know, man, this just doesn't seem right.  I mean where's the cape?"

     "Cape?" asked Alpha, who had finally tackled Micky and was applying the hypospray.

     Mike pointed to his back.  "Yeah, you know, to fly.  Like superman.  And what about powers?  Do we get x-ray vision as well?  Or perhaps super speed?  Or invisibility?  Or the ability to breathe fire?  Or the ability to shrink at will?  Or super strength?  Or the ability to talk to animals?  Or the ability to read minds?  Or the ability to eat Micky's cooking?  Or the ability to dance the Tarantalla?  Or the ability to look at Peter's outfit without getting strangely turned on?  Or the ability to hypnotize others?  Or the ability to drive a stick shift?  Or the ability to perform surgery on oneself?  Or…"

     "How about the ability to just SHUTUP!" hollered Zordon.  "Now, you idiots had better finish morphing before…" Suddenly, the alarm turned off.

     "Ayiyiyiyi," whined Alpha 5 yet again.  "What happened?"

     Skull, who, along with Bulk, had already morphed into his own Ranger uniform, studied the viewing screen.  "You'll never believe it," he gasped as he watched a replay of the rampage the creature had been going on.

     Bulk, who had also been studying the viewing screen, gasped as well.  "That monster got so bored waiting for us to appear, that it actually fell asleep in the middle of the shopping mall."

     "FELL ASLEEP?" bellowed Zordon indignantly.  "Of all the insulting, lame monsters the Machine Empire could send.  What?  I'm suddenly not good enough for them to send their very best to?"

     "Yeah, well," said Skull.  "It seems that a group of shoppers from the Angel Grove Senior Citizen Home have gotten him trussed up good.  Whoops, he's disappeared.  Well, I guess that's that."

Scene Ten:  Machine Empire SkyBase 

     "You useless drones!" screeched Queen Machina as she whacked Klank and Orbus with her fan.  "When I said to fetch any old monster, I didn't mean one that would fall asleep in the middle of the job!"

     "I told you hiring Snoozilla from the 'Alien Monster Nursing Home' wasn't a good idea," chided Orbus.

     "Oh, shut up before I deactivate you and give you to Sprocket as his new plaything," grumbled Klank.  "Ouch!  My Queen, if you would just let us go and make him grow I'm sure he could…"

     "Snore louder?" snapped Machina.  "Forget it!  Just bring him back here and hope that King Mondo never hears of your incompetence."

     "Hey!" cried Sprocket.  "I think Pop's trying to say something."

     Machina halted her lackey bashing to see for herself.  "What is he saying?"  Upon approaching her husband and son in the neighboring room, she became annoyed.  "Sprocket!  If I told you once, I told you a thousand times.  We do not celebrate human holidays.  Now get those off him!"

     "Aw!  You never let me have any fun!" griped the spoiled prince as he began to remove the tinsel and ornaments from his father.  But he paused when once again, Mondo's mouth moved.

     "What, Dear?" asked Machina as she leaned in closely.

     "Oil can…"

Scene Eleven:  Power Chamber     

     The newest group of Power Rangers, having demorphed, stood hesitantly around the Power Chamber.  No one was brave enough to even cough as Zordon rambled and cursed to himself.  Eventually, he grew silent again.  Alpha sighed in relief as he put away his emergency head reassembly kit.

     "Well," ventured Micky.  "At least we didn't have to waste any time fighting.  I mean everyone's safe and sound here, right?"

     "Tell that to the people who just lost their businesses when that monster fell on top of their shops when he dropped off to sleep," murmured Bulk.

      "Oh no!" cried Davy, "how many people got killed?"  His friends looked as perturbed as he did.

     "None," answered Bulk.

     "No one ever gets 'destroyed' here," added Skull.

     "Huh?" 

     "Look," said Zordon, who had finally calmed down.  "There's no way those #$^@!%@# censors would ever allow us to have people die or even get seriously hurt.  And I'm not about to get written into oblivion because of some angered protestor."

     Saban looked up from his notes on Countdown to Destruction.  "Uh, oh, better not let him see these until he's completely wasted."

     "Well then, if no one dies, then what is the point of even having Rangers?" questioned Mike.

     "Are you kidding?" replied Bulk.  "Do you know how much this town's taxes have been raised to repair all the destroyed buildings and abandoned warehouses?"

     "You've got a point," conceded Mike.  He turned to Zordon.  "Well, we'll be headed back home now.  If you need us for anything else…"

     "Ah yes," said Zordon who had be studying some new activity on the viewing screen.  "There is one more thing I need you to do.  Come here."

     "Is there another monster attacking Angel Grove?" asked Peter as the four musicians approached Zordon's tube.  

     "Are we going to get to morph again and clobber them?" enthused Micky.

     "Nope." Four rays shot out of Zordon's tube and pulled the morphers off their wrists.  "I don't have the patience to even try to train you buffoons.  I mean even the red herrings at least made it to the battle scene."

     "But I was getting to like my Pink outfit," echoed Peter's voice as he and his friends were teleported away.

     Bulk sighed.  "Oh, great.  I guess we'll have to go back to looking for more Ranger candidates."

     For the first time that day, Zordon smiled.  "No, you don't.  Take another look at the viewing screen."

     Bulk, Skull, and Alpha 5 gasped.  Standing in front of the Power Chamber's entrance were Jason, Tommy, Kat, Adam, Tanya, and Rocky.  They bore gifts, flowers, and a large sign that said WORLD'S GREATEST MENTOR.

     "Bring them inside," directed Zordon.  "They may be numbskulls, but at least they're useful numbskulls."

End


End file.
